In my life, I have lost.
I have lost the attention and respect of my now-teenage children.
I have lost the illusion that my wife married me for who I was.
I have lost all confidence I imagined as a provider.
I have lost the security of feeling loved.
I have lost friendships that I realize now were only in my mind.
I have lost reasons for rising in the morning, and for laying down at night.
I have lost memories now tainted with back-stories and realities that aren’t mine to retell.
I have lost respect for some I’ve bailed out and who have bailed me out many times over.
I have lost the music once felt with every inhaled breath.
And I have lost the glowing touch of life that renewed daily just from believing in another person.
My God has allowed me to lose these things, and without promise of replacing them, tells me that my needs do not include them.
He informs me that the Game was changed in my favor and that my station is risen though my eyes are cast down.
He reaches down to hold me in the way a parent comforts a truly helpless child and says I KNOW YOUR PAIN, AND I KNOW YOUR FUTURE, AND I AM THERE FOR BOTH.
But I have lost everything I know, except the frailty of being held down, held back, held up … held.
I look up and am blinded by hot tears or light — I’m not sure which.
I have not lost my Lord.
LINK: “Friday From My Heart: Held” (Living-The-Miracle.blogspot.com)