From: John Oblak [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2004 12:57 AM
To: Wayward Souls
Subject: IT’S MOVING DAY!
[PLEASE IGNORE ANY SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES YOU BELIEVE YOU SEE IN THIS MESSAGE]
As we have been priming you all for months (the twigs began to rise from the earth in January – ), you are no doubt aware that we are finally landing in our first home after much wandering in the wilderness. This weekend, we are hoping for a big finish that will completely empty out the last few (large and heavy) items remaining in our rented storage unit. We’ve rented the truck, are taking a head-count for the [BRIBE] pizza, and are willing to put any out-of-towners up for the night(s) before and after the big day [BRIBE] (since we never accumulated more furniture than could fit into a two-bedroom apartment, there will still be plenty of empty space for the dead bodies after all the heavy lifting).
With all that in mind, we are looking forward to Saturday, April 17th [ALL OTHER APPOINTMENTS YOU HAVE ARE NO LONGER OF CONSEQUENCE] to pull off this little miracle – beginning at about 10AM.
If you are still able to fit us into your busy schedules, we will feed you and keep you too busy to engage in whatever larcenous activities you normally have planned for a springtime Saturday. There is a neighborhood-level map attached to this message to compensate for the fact that Mapquest has not yet been alerted to the presence of our street — though if you punch in our address, it does give pretty accurate driving directions.
The geographic location our grand opening of Minnow Manor:
6847 Minnow Drive, Indianapolis, IN 46237
1) David Shablak will not be allowed to choose the movie for wind-down time; so people with children (and/or taste) have nothing to fear.
2) Please do not bring housewarming gifts. This is not because we don’t trust that you will bring something absolutely delightful. We just haven’t had time to figure out which closet in our new home to set aside for ‘re-gifting’. If you still feel the urge, bring food; if that doesn’t leave you feeling fulfilled enough, give a kitten a good home (doesn’t matter if it’s your home).
3) There will be furniture to assemble, wires to connect, and things to sort (keeping this in mind, we are not inviting any stupid people). If you feel the need to bring any favorite tools, brownie points may be awarded — but to be really ‘AR’, make sure they have your name on them (Sharpies provided).
4) “Because it’s there.” Providing all goes as planned, we may be needing the expertise of the nearest geek to assemble an ad-hoc network to siphon bandwidth from the three nearest non-WEP networks within range. BYOB (Bring Your Own ‘Book).
5) For those of you traveling great distances, keep in mind that driving in Indiana is not like driving in other states. People here don’t really don’t need to learn how to drive before getting their license. Really. So consider waiting for daylight. And bring a cell phone. And maybe a gun.
6) Our new home number is 317/786-0638. We are telling you this because you may need to leave a phone number with your loved ones before you disappear for 12-20 hours to move the mountain to Mohammed. After the 17th, please forget you ever saw it — if you don’t call us on our cell phones, we will rarely get your call.
7) There is a very BIG clean-cut field out behind our house, and a playground within view of our back window. If the bigger kids want to take the little(r) ones out to play on the swings, slide, etc., that would be OK with us. Everybody pray it doesn’t rain.
If I’ve left anything out, it’s only because we’ve not really slept much over the last week (painting, hanging ceiling fans, waiting at the house ALL DAY for the SBC guy to show up, etc.). But we’re excited, and so far, REALLY happy with the new house. (Just don’t ask Leah how much we’ll really be paying after all the interest, etc. Unless you enjoy making her cry. Again.) We’re looking forward to having many of you drop by; the more hands, the quicker the work, and the more fun to be had by all.
Dan Oblak – Dual-Platform PC Technician
317/345-7006 mobile 208/545-9969 eFax
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